Roza and Margarita Riaikkenen's
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THE CHAIN OF HELP CHILDHOOD
MEMORIES OF A HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR By Roza Riaikkenen My
father was an intellectual, a highly cultivated person. He was an engineer -
designer with European education. He knew eight languages, loved music and art,
collected books and prints, sang well and danced ballroom dances. He had a fine,
I would say “French”, sense of humour. For me, as a school student, it was endlessly
fascinating listening to his explanations of the styles of architecture, when
we walked together along the ancient small streets of My
mother studied mathematics in the I
remember that our neighbours didn’t like to wash the apartment block staircase
when it was their turn. My mum wouldn’t argue with them. Instead, she would
wash the stairs herself. When asked, she explained her behaviour with her wish
to remain peaceful with our neighbours and keep the house clean. We read
a lot of classics and discussed the discoveries of science. My father constantly
generated new ideas and tried to apply them in his work. Unfortunately, his
ideas, though making his projects more effective, often would lead to delays in
finishing them, and were frowned upon by his bosses rather than rewarded. I
remember that, with my father, we often visited concerts and the Opera theatre
in I
also remember the prints of classical paintings on the walls of our flat: the
“Schokoladenmadchen” by Jean Etienne Liotard and Caravaggio’s “The Cardsharps”
above the piano. I think that, possibly, there were no pictures on biblical
themes available at that time in the Soviet Vilnius. However, in the evenings,
my father often told me the Old Testament tales we were unable to learn in
school because the leaders of the In
the 30’s, when my parents met, my father had just graduated from the None
of our family has been directly involved in the socialist or communist movement,
and none were members of any party. Actually, it was conscience that mattered
to my parents and loudly spoke to them about the necessity of sacrificing and
sharing. That is why the ideas of justice, equity and brotherhood strongly
influenced them. As my
mother explained to me, there was poverty in From
this condition of mind, it is understandable, why my paternal grandmother
participated in an organization which helped imprisoned communists. She
prepared parcels for the prisoners and assisted them in different ways. One
such communist - prisoner was Kazimeras Varnauskas, my nanny Brone’s fiancé,
and later husband. By helping him and Brone, as I understand, my grandma
started a chain of compassion and help. The Varnauskas family continued this
chain through the years of WW2, and this chain eventually saved my life. From
the very beginning of the war, Brone tried to find us, me and my parents. She
didn’t know that my father fled to Our family
has stored some food stock before the war because we knew what was going on
across the We couldn’t stay in such an unsafe place
anymore. We – my Mum, Grandma (my father’s mother) and I – were thrown into a
situation where we had to find shelter and basics of survival. Since we had no
stock of food anymore and in fact nothing material to rely upon, we could only
rely on our human spiritual properties and communications with other people. When,
in the first days of war, the Germans occupied Eventually
Brone found us in the From the very day Brone met my Mum, she began
bringing her bread and any other food she could find. It was difficult in these
days of war. It was dangerous also to pass along food for the ghetto Jews
because the guards wouldn’t allow locals to communicate with them. But Brone
was desperate to help us, and somehow managed to do this. Meanwhile, Kazimeras
babysat their baby girl, allowing his wife to go and do anything she could for
another child’s survival. There
were three so-called “actions” of mass destruction in the The
second, “Big Action”, was targeted at children and elderly people. Such were
defined as a “burden” in the understanding of the occupants. All the
inhabitants of the ghetto were ordered to go out to an open place for
selection. The young and healthy were selected to one side – for work; and
families with more than one child or with sick or elderly members to another
side – for eradication. A lady,
in whose house we occupied a room, suggested that my mother pretend that she,
the lady’s unmarried brother and I were a family. In this case we would survive
the “action”, but my grandmother would leave alone and definitely not survive.
My Mum rejected this suggestion, and, of course, we were selected for eradication.
A policeman led us together with other people, who were pushing prams with
babies and carrying the sick and elderly on stretchers. My Mum understood we
were at the brink of death. She gave her watch, the last remaining valuable
thing, to the policeman. He took the watch, but did nothing to change our
situation. The
wide road was empty. When we entered the gates of the place where we had to be
killed, my mother saw a German officer from the SS, a special military force
that executed the most cruel extermination actions. He was in charge of order
in this place. Mum didn’t know who or what urged her to do this, but she spoke to
the officer in German, the language she knew well. She didn’t remember later
what exactly she said, but her words made the officer look into my eyes. He
then ordered us to stay behind the gates. My mother did not know what would follow and
how we would escape death, but the officer seemed to know. Two young men, who had
before carried the stretchers with the sick, were returning to the ghetto, and
we began running after them. The officer didn’t pay any attention to our manoeuvre.
This was a definite breach of his orders. He was obviously obliged either to
shoot us himself or to send us to the place where we would be killed anyway. But
nothing of this kind happened. We continued to run after the men as quickly as
we could, trying to catch our chance for survival. Grandma couldn’t run quickly
enough and asked to leave her and save the child. But Mum couldn’t leave her to
her true death, and we continued to run together till we reached the people who
had been selected for work and melted into their crowd. In such a way, we were
miraculously saved and left to continue our ordeal in the ghetto. Why
did the SS officer let us go? Was it something my mother said him? Or probably
her words just made him to look into the child’s eyes? Possibly, he
subconsciously felt that the Source of life in the Jewish child’s eyes and in
him was the same – the Inner God. And the officer, who had sent maybe hundreds
of innocent people to their deaths, could not infringe upon the Source of life
that he met in these eyes. If
this was the case, then maybe a politician, a leader of a nation or state, a
religious leader or any influential person, before calling their followers or
giving orders to kill, to bombard, to exterminate and so on, with whichever
purpose it would be justified, should primarily look into the eyes of at least
one child whose life might suffer from these actions? My mother
worked at a weaving mill, and my grandmother looked after me. The most
difficult thing for my Mum was to leave us home, as she left for her work, and
not to know, whether she would find us alive or not when she returned. Sometimes,
Mum would bring me cardboard tubes from the weaving mill. I would always wait
for these tubes. They were my only toys at that time in the ghetto. At other
times, someone would give her a treat for her child. Once, I remember, for
maybe Easter or another holiday, I had a feast: a chicken wing, an egg and a
homentash – a traditional Jewish pastry with poppy-seed that I liked very much.
It was difficult for me to decide from which treat to begin celebrating. I had
friends in the ghetto. It seemed I lived an ordinary child’s life in this
hellish place. Then the third “action” came – the “Children Action”, and this
time the Germans were determined to finish all the remaining ghetto children
and elderly people. In the morning, all the working people were let out of the
ghetto, and then the “action” began. Germans ordered everyone to stay home. A truck
went along the street, and the soldiers and policemen collected children and
elderly for killing. If a mother didn’t give out her child, they were killed
together. Fortunately,
my Mum was home after a night’s work and already had some experience from the
past “actions”. She knew that the people of the ghetto had made efforts to
prepare the hiding places for the children. She went to hide me, but she never
ever saw my Grandma again. Remembering the past “actions”, and understanding
that together we had no chance for survival, this time my Grandma collected her
personal things and left the house to meet her death alone. I was
passed in a sack to an attic - one of the hiding places the people of the
ghetto have prepared for the children. I remember how I felt scared in the
darkness of this attic. I was in a complete convulsion of fear of being found
by the Germans. Even later, in my childhood, I would never be able to play the “hide
and seek” games which always recalled this horrible feeling. This
time again, there were people who assumed responsibility for our survival. When
the men who stayed on guard, decided that this hiding place had become unsafe,
they carried us children in sacks, pretending we were flour or potatoes, to a
safer hiding. There was less room in this place, and Mum remembered me
shouting: “Let me inside, I want to live!” And I was taken inside, and was
saved this time also. After the “action” finished, we returned home. Now, Mum
had to hide me all the time, day or night, and could not let me go outside,
because the Germans wouldn’t tolerate any children alive in the ghetto. While
the war went on, the situation turned for the worst. The German army suffered
defeats and had to leave the occupied territories. It was clear that one day
they would leave She
asked Brone for assistance. It was a difficult task for the Varnauskas family,
and it was extremely dangerous because the fascists, if finding a Jewish child
in a Lithuanian family, would undoubtedly execute the whole family together
with this child. Brone
and Kazimeras couldn’t take me into their house because they lived in a suburb
far away from the ghetto. Besides, they had a baby girl, and Kazimeras was
known as a former communist. It would be unsafe for them and me to live
together. Therefore, Brone began to search for foster parents for me, at that
time a five year old child. She
had to think hard about the people she was familiar with: were they reliable,
would they take risks of hiding a Jewish child and would they not submit me to
the Germans, as it sometimes happened? With my Jewish language and dark eyes
and hair, of course, I didn’t look like a Lithuanian, and they would have to
hide me so nobody knew I was there. It is
hard to imagine, but the chain of help, once began, continued to work. The
childless couple Baksha, Maria and Kazimeras, friends of Brone, whose little
weatherboard house was situated near the factory where my Mum used to work,
agreed to hide me and become my foster parents. It was not an easy decision for
them, especially because the police office was situated nearby, and a German
soldier lived in a house in the same yard. One
day, with the assistance of a young man from the ghetto, my mum managed to take
me through the barbed wire of the ghetto’s boundary. They gave some money to
the German soldier who stayed on guard, and he promised to let us go and not to
shoot if only the guard, next to him, wouldn’t notice. If he noticed, then bad
luck – he would shoot us. When
we successfully passed through the barbed wire, we ran through the dark streets
of the town-in-war with the sirens of air-raid and potentially dangerous
encounters. Eventually we came to the warmth and light of Baksha’s house. Then
Maria and Kazimeras Baksha assumed responsibility for maintaining my life, and
fulfilled this mission with all their heart and power. That
night I could barely see or understand anything. After all the fears and
excitement of the day, I fell asleep and didn’t see how my mother left the
Baksha’s house for the ghetto. Next morning, when I woke up, I found myself in
an unfamiliar place, which had to become my home, and with people I didn’t
know, but who had to become my family. I didn’t understand their language
either, and I had no choice but to learn. From then it began - this habit of learning
new languages and, together with the languages, of realizing and accepting different
human ways of living, thinking and understanding. Possibly,
I was not always obedient and behaved not as an angel. As my Mum told me later,
once Kazimeras Baksha came to the factory, where she used to work, and
confessed that he hurt me. He was repentant: how could he punish a child who had
been already so punished by the circumstances of life? Possibly, he understood
that the child needed not only food, but anything interesting and developing. Somewhere
he found a school book and began teaching me literacy. This was my learning and
entertainment simultaneously. In such circumstances I learned to enjoy the
process of reading and learning through a book. I
missed my mother and kept asking, when she would come to me. A couple of times
she visited me, of course, under a supervision of a guard from her workplace.
She told the guard that she was going to the Lithuanians to exchange things for
food. Kazimeras would give the guard alcohol and entertain him, whilst my Mum
visited me. I
wanted a doll, and my mum brought me a doll from the ghetto. Parents of a girl who
had been killed by the Germans gave her this doll without any questions. They had
guessed who needed their daughter’s doll. I did not see my Mum from then on, as
she was too afraid of giving my hideout away. Baksha promised her to keep their
cellar open in the case she would need to hide. But my Mum never used this
opportunity, even when she already knew that the ghetto would be liquidated,
and she would be either killed or forced to move to the West, to a
concentration camp in I remember my second mother, “mamite”, as I
used to call her (“mommy” in Lithuanian), a little woman with a button nose.
She cared about every living being: people, cats and birds – everyone could
receive food and help from her hands. “Mamite” lost her parents at a very young
age and grew up as an orphan. She had a sister and they were very close to each
other. “Mamite” worked hard her whole life. She
completed perhaps no more than a couple of years of primary school in her
village, but her wisdom always fascinated me. “Bus gerai”, which means in
Lithuanian: “everything will be all right” – was her usual saying. And you
trusted her words because you felt that there was a real understanding of life
behind them. I
remember her coming home after a twenty kilometre journey to a remote village.
She had to go there to exchange things for food, otherwise we would starve. Every
time she went, she would bring me (only for the child!) some honey, butter and
eggs, and some flour and cereals for all of us. After each long journey on foot
(and there was no other transport at her disposal), bent beneath the weight of
her sack, she couldn’t straighten her back for a long time; and I used to ask
her: “Why are you walking so ugly, mommy?” I
remember also how my foster father, “tevelis”, or “daddy” in Lithuanian, warned
me not to move or cry, when they used to hide me in the hole under the stove in
case the German soldiers or Lithuanian police came in to check the house. They
dug this hole at the first night after my arrival, and it became my permanent asylum
in case of danger. I have to confess that I was more afraid of mice and
spiders, while sitting in the dark narrow place and not knowing when I would be
released, than of the soldiers. When
the front came close to It
was a risky journey; we had to talk with people how ever we tried to avoid any
communications. Now I understand – there obviously were some of them who
guessed who I was – but they kept silent. Eventually,
we returned to our house, and after a night of fear (What would the Germans do
before they leaved the town? Would we be bombed?) the Soviet Army entered Next
morning, I was still sleeping, when he came in and woke me up: “Go outside, you
are free!” I sprung from my bed and run through the yard to the street. An
unending column of soldiers marched along the street. These were the Soviets,
grey from fatigue and in grey faded uniforms. Such was the image of my freedom!
Such was the victorious link of the “chain of help”. This
link consisted of people whom we called together: “the Soviet Army”. But every
one of them was a person with his or her destiny. Some of them, or their
relatives, suffered from the Stalin dictatorship, and before the war they
disliked Stalin. However, more of them had families destroyed by the war and
relatives killed by the fascists. These
soldiers were united in their hatred of the occupants, in their desperation
towards overcoming of a ruthless enemy. And Stalin’s name became their banner,
the symbol of their battle. In such a way one tyrant, Hitler, helped another
tyrant, Stalin, to win the hearts of his compatriots and to prolong his
dictatorship to the time of his natural death. For
the whole time we were under the German occupation, “mamite” feared we would all
perish, and she wanted to give me, her child, a closer connection with God,
maybe, she thought it would be a better protection. She decided to baptize me,
but how to do this when nobody could know she was hiding a Jewish child? She
confessed to a priest she knew to be a good man. The priest didn’t deceive her.
He taught her how to baptize me, and “mamite” fulfilled the ritual as she
understood it. She
never forced me to pray or to go to church, and once told me that she wasn’t completely
sure that God existed anyhow! But she would feel softness within and relief
when she would go to church to pray. She told me that she had baptized me when
I was 20 years old. She didn’t want to force me into the Christian faith; she had
only searched for divine protection. Many years later, it was at the anniversary of
the end of war, a correspondent of a local newspaper wanted to write an article
about my “mamite” and her husband, about their heroic deeds at the time of war
(besides me, they also hid for some time a Russian captive soldier who fled
from a concentration camp). When the correspondent asked “mamite” who or what
encouraged and helped her to survive and act in such difficult and dangerous
circumstances, she sincerely answered that only God could help her. The
correspondent disappeared, and no article was ever published. In the former But
let us return to the mid-war events, where the priest also became a small link
in the “chain of help”. The “chain” wouldn’t work if a link, a section, were
not reliable. But it did work, being supported by the common effort of people
of different nations, religions and social backgrounds, who were united by their
conscience for the fulfilment of one purpose: to save a child from death. To
give a child, simply a child, a possibility to grow up and to realize the
potential, with which this child came into this life. Every
one of the few Jewish children who were saved from the In my
case, the potential of a life, preserved with all its insights, is being
realized not only by me, but also by my daughter Margarita, my four
grandchildren: Maria, Igor Paul, Richard and Elizabeth, and I believe that it will
continue with their descendants. All of us have our purposes to fulfil and our
“chains” to participate. All of us are living on the Earth thanks to the “chain
of help”, and all of us continue to receive uneasy experiences that enable us
to understand and assist other people, when they are in need of assistance. The
“chain of help” versus the “chain of cruelty” - this is the only way of love
that maintains life on our long-suffering planet, where one action of cruelty
causes another in response, and the situation seems to have no end in sight. But
look! The whole powerful extermination machine of Hitlerism, with its “order”,
supported by soldiers and weapons, couldn’t prevent the salvation of a child,
when just several ordinary people joined their efforts in the “chain of help”, led
by their conscience, and with the maximal love, care and courage they were able
of expressing. These
people weren’t obedient to the laws and rules of the “order” of the fascist
state. Quite the reverse, they rejected these rules, when the rules came into
disagreement with their conscience. Their conscience appeared to be superior,
and, thanks to this, they were able to accomplish what other people, who were
simply obedient, could not. Often,
when expressing love, compassion and generosity in our daily life, we don’t
know that we actually start the “chain of help”, which will continue to act in
the world and bring us and other people unexpected assistance at the very
moment when this assistance is most necessary and helpful. This chain will work
through generations, attracting with its magnet more and more links, involving
more and more people into the actions of Love. When
the Soviet Army liberated When
my father came, he found me, 6 years old, talking in Lithuanian language and
already attending a Lithuanian school. I had completely forgotten him and
didn’t want to leave the house of my foster parents. But they persuaded me to
go with my father. I can understand how difficult it was for them, but they
really loved me and wanted to do their best for me. We moved to the capital of Instead
of buildings, there were ruins everywhere, and a lot of unexploded mines in the
ruins. We children used to play in the ruins (where else could we play?), and
many were injured or killed by mines. Our parents had to be at their workplaces
for 12-14 hours a day and we were left to our own devices. I remember the first
winter in My
school was situated in the yard of our hotel, and I used to invite my friends to
play. Once, I remember, we played with my friend and got a silly idea. Nearing
the end and after the war, you could buy bread or other food in a shop only if
you possessed special coupons. There were also coupons which could be exchanged
for alcohol. A person could buy a limited amount of each product for each
unique card. My father didn’t drink, but he exchanged the bottles of alcohol
for food and other things. My
friend and I were wondering what was so special about alcohol, and decided to
try it. At that time, my father had saved up several bottles of vodka. So,
being the two smart young ladies that we were, both six years of age, we drank
some. After drinking we went to play on the hotel’s staircases pretending to be
drunk and tottering from side to side. After a while we went to play on the
third floor cornice of the hotel’s building. This little alcove had no guard
rails. Of course,
this was very dangerous; we could have easily fallen off the cornice, but
dangers surrounded us from everywhere in this life changed forever by the war. Only
after several hours of our drunken “enjoyment”, my father came home and took us
off the cornice. I
often cried about my dear Mum, who vanished, and I missed her so much,
especially when I got punished. And it happened one happy day that someone told
me – she was alive and would be returning from the concentration camp this
evening. As we found out later, she was taken from the She managed to escape from the column of prisoners
that was led by the fascists to I
remember running to my father’s place of work. We had to be at the railway
station on time! We were on time – when the train with my Mum, who didn’t know
if any of her family had survived, arrived to the station, we both met her at
the gates. We brought her to our hotel room, and began our family life in the
post-war From
his job in the building industry my father received a flat on the third floor
of an old building. We occupied three rooms of five in the flat, and our
neighbours lived in the remaining two. This was a good situation for the
post-war To
make our flat liveable, my father received workers – German prisoners of war
who worked at that time over the rebuilding of the Lithuanian capital. I
couldn’t stand them. I spat at them. I couldn’t forgive them my fear and my
long term trauma as a helpless child, who was for no reason threatened and
punished by the German occupiers. I
just wondered why my mother, who suffered from the Germans even more than me,
nevertheless treated them as equals and cared about them. She fed them with
what we had for dinner, and this was a real hospitality having in mind the
difficulties with getting anything of food stuff. Later on, I became aware that
she understood about life much more than me. She saw a human being in everyone.
She understood that anyone might appear in difficult conditions and anyone
deserved compassion. In
1946, my sister was born – in these difficult circumstances. For my mother, exhausted
after her ordeals of the concentration camp, my sister’s birth was an act of
heroism and simultaneously a symbol of life’s victory over death. My sister was
named Rachel – this was the name of both mother’s older sister, who perished in
the town of After the war, we constantly communicated with
Maria and Kazimeras Baksha. I remained their only child, and my parents also became
their close relatives. We were in especially intimate relationship with
“mamite” who became for me my first teacher of love and spirituality. She
passed away at the age of 90, already knowing that she had her first great
granddaughter named Maria in her honour. She spent the last years of her life
in the family of her relatives, where she helped with raising their children.
The most important thing, children could receive from her, was the influence of
her aura of love, wisdom and tolerance. This
is possibly an ordinary history of a child in war, because from the child’s
viewpoint any war means the same: cruelty, dangers, fear and loss of family.
But even in these dire circumstances, and possibly especially in them, children
are searching for anything bright and joyful. For me, this was music. When I
was 8, in the ruins of the post-war THE CHAIN OF HELP CHILDHOOD
MEMORIES OF A HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR By Roza Riaikkenen My
father was an intellectual, a highly cultivated person. He was an engineer -
designer with European education. He knew eight languages, loved music and art,
collected books and prints, sang well and danced ballroom dances. He had a fine,
I would say “French”, sense of humour. For me, as a school student, it was endlessly
fascinating listening to his explanations of the styles of architecture, when
we walked together along the ancient small streets of My
mother studied mathematics in the I
remember that our neighbours didn’t like to wash the apartment block staircase
when it was their turn. My mum wouldn’t argue with them. Instead, she would
wash the stairs herself. When asked, she explained her behaviour with her wish
to remain peaceful with our neighbours and keep the house clean. We read
a lot of classics and discussed the discoveries of science. My father constantly
generated new ideas and tried to apply them in his work. Unfortunately, his
ideas, though making his projects more effective, often would lead to delays in
finishing them, and were frowned upon by his bosses rather than rewarded. I
remember that, with my father, we often visited concerts and the Opera theatre
in I
also remember the prints of classical paintings on the walls of our flat: the
“Schokoladenmadchen” by Jean Etienne Liotard and Caravaggio’s “The Cardsharps”
above the piano. I think that, possibly, there were no pictures on biblical
themes available at that time in the Soviet Vilnius. However, in the evenings,
my father often told me the Old Testament tales we were unable to learn in
school because the leaders of the In
the 30’s, when my parents met, my father had just graduated from the None
of our family has been directly involved in the socialist or communist movement,
and none were members of any party. Actually, it was conscience that mattered
to my parents and loudly spoke to them about the necessity of sacrificing and
sharing. That is why the ideas of justice, equity and brotherhood strongly
influenced them. As my
mother explained to me, there was poverty in From
this condition of mind, it is understandable, why my paternal grandmother
participated in an organization which helped imprisoned communists. She
prepared parcels for the prisoners and assisted them in different ways. One
such communist - prisoner was Kazimeras Varnauskas, my nanny Brone’s fiancé,
and later husband. By helping him and Brone, as I understand, my grandma
started a chain of compassion and help. The Varnauskas family continued this
chain through the years of WW2, and this chain eventually saved my life. From
the very beginning of the war, Brone tried to find us, me and my parents. She
didn’t know that my father fled to Our family
has stored some food stock before the war because we knew what was going on
across the We couldn’t stay in such an unsafe place
anymore. We – my Mum, Grandma (my father’s mother) and I – were thrown into a
situation where we had to find shelter and basics of survival. Since we had no
stock of food anymore and in fact nothing material to rely upon, we could only
rely on our human spiritual properties and communications with other people. When,
in the first days of war, the Germans occupied Eventually
Brone found us in the From the very day Brone met my Mum, she began
bringing her bread and any other food she could find. It was difficult in these
days of war. It was dangerous also to pass along food for the ghetto Jews
because the guards wouldn’t allow locals to communicate with them. But Brone
was desperate to help us, and somehow managed to do this. Meanwhile, Kazimeras
babysat their baby girl, allowing his wife to go and do anything she could for
another child’s survival. There
were three so-called “actions” of mass destruction in the The
second, “Big Action”, was targeted at children and elderly people. Such were
defined as a “burden” in the understanding of the occupants. All the
inhabitants of the ghetto were ordered to go out to an open place for
selection. The young and healthy were selected to one side – for work; and
families with more than one child or with sick or elderly members to another
side – for eradication. A lady,
in whose house we occupied a room, suggested that my mother pretend that she,
the lady’s unmarried brother and I were a family. In this case we would survive
the “action”, but my grandmother would leave alone and definitely not survive.
My Mum rejected this suggestion, and, of course, we were selected for eradication.
A policeman led us together with other people, who were pushing prams with
babies and carrying the sick and elderly on stretchers. My Mum understood we
were at the brink of death. She gave her watch, the last remaining valuable
thing, to the policeman. He took the watch, but did nothing to change our
situation. The
wide road was empty. When we entered the gates of the place where we had to be
killed, my mother saw a German officer from the SS, a special military force
that executed the most cruel extermination actions. He was in charge of order
in this place. Mum didn’t know who or what urged her to do this, but she spoke to
the officer in German, the language she knew well. She didn’t remember later
what exactly she said, but her words made the officer look into my eyes. He
then ordered us to stay behind the gates. My mother did not know what would follow and
how we would escape death, but the officer seemed to know. Two young men, who had
before carried the stretchers with the sick, were returning to the ghetto, and
we began running after them. The officer didn’t pay any attention to our manoeuvre.
This was a definite breach of his orders. He was obviously obliged either to
shoot us himself or to send us to the place where we would be killed anyway. But
nothing of this kind happened. We continued to run after the men as quickly as
we could, trying to catch our chance for survival. Grandma couldn’t run quickly
enough and asked to leave her and save the child. But Mum couldn’t leave her to
her true death, and we continued to run together till we reached the people who
had been selected for work and melted into their crowd. In such a way, we were
miraculously saved and left to continue our ordeal in the ghetto. Why
did the SS officer let us go? Was it something my mother said him? Or probably
her words just made him to look into the child’s eyes? Possibly, he
subconsciously felt that the Source of life in the Jewish child’s eyes and in
him was the same – the Inner God. And the officer, who had sent maybe hundreds
of innocent people to their deaths, could not infringe upon the Source of life
that he met in these eyes. If
this was the case, then maybe a politician, a leader of a nation or state, a
religious leader or any influential person, before calling their followers or
giving orders to kill, to bombard, to exterminate and so on, with whichever
purpose it would be justified, should primarily look into the eyes of at least
one child whose life might suffer from these actions? My mother
worked at a weaving mill, and my grandmother looked after me. The most
difficult thing for my Mum was to leave us home, as she left for her work, and
not to know, whether she would find us alive or not when she returned. Sometimes,
Mum would bring me cardboard tubes from the weaving mill. I would always wait
for these tubes. They were my only toys at that time in the ghetto. At other
times, someone would give her a treat for her child. Once, I remember, for
maybe Easter or another holiday, I had a feast: a chicken wing, an egg and a
homentash – a traditional Jewish pastry with poppy-seed that I liked very much.
It was difficult for me to decide from which treat to begin celebrating. I had
friends in the ghetto. It seemed I lived an ordinary child’s life in this
hellish place. Then the third “action” came – the “Children Action”, and this
time the Germans were determined to finish all the remaining ghetto children
and elderly people. In the morning, all the working people were let out of the
ghetto, and then the “action” began. Germans ordered everyone to stay home. A truck
went along the street, and the soldiers and policemen collected children and
elderly for killing. If a mother didn’t give out her child, they were killed
together. Fortunately,
my Mum was home after a night’s work and already had some experience from the
past “actions”. She knew that the people of the ghetto had made efforts to
prepare the hiding places for the children. She went to hide me, but she never
ever saw my Grandma again. Remembering the past “actions”, and understanding
that together we had no chance for survival, this time my Grandma collected her
personal things and left the house to meet her death alone. I was
passed in a sack to an attic - one of the hiding places the people of the
ghetto have prepared for the children. I remember how I felt scared in the
darkness of this attic. I was in a complete convulsion of fear of being found
by the Germans. Even later, in my childhood, I would never be able to play the “hide
and seek” games which always recalled this horrible feeling. This
time again, there were people who assumed responsibility for our survival. When
the men who stayed on guard, decided that this hiding place had become unsafe,
they carried us children in sacks, pretending we were flour or potatoes, to a
safer hiding. There was less room in this place, and Mum remembered me
shouting: “Let me inside, I want to live!” And I was taken inside, and was
saved this time also. After the “action” finished, we returned home. Now, Mum
had to hide me all the time, day or night, and could not let me go outside,
because the Germans wouldn’t tolerate any children alive in the ghetto. While
the war went on, the situation turned for the worst. The German army suffered
defeats and had to leave the occupied territories. It was clear that one day
they would leave She
asked Brone for assistance. It was a difficult task for the Varnauskas family,
and it was extremely dangerous because the fascists, if finding a Jewish child
in a Lithuanian family, would undoubtedly execute the whole family together
with this child. Brone
and Kazimeras couldn’t take me into their house because they lived in a suburb
far away from the ghetto. Besides, they had a baby girl, and Kazimeras was
known as a former communist. It would be unsafe for them and me to live
together. Therefore, Brone began to search for foster parents for me, at that
time a five year old child. She
had to think hard about the people she was familiar with: were they reliable,
would they take risks of hiding a Jewish child and would they not submit me to
the Germans, as it sometimes happened? With my Jewish language and dark eyes
and hair, of course, I didn’t look like a Lithuanian, and they would have to
hide me so nobody knew I was there. It is
hard to imagine, but the chain of help, once began, continued to work. The
childless couple Baksha, Maria and Kazimeras, friends of Brone, whose little
weatherboard house was situated near the factory where my Mum used to work,
agreed to hide me and become my foster parents. It was not an easy decision for
them, especially because the police office was situated nearby, and a German
soldier lived in a house in the same yard. One
day, with the assistance of a young man from the ghetto, my mum managed to take
me through the barbed wire of the ghetto’s boundary. They gave some money to
the German soldier who stayed on guard, and he promised to let us go and not to
shoot if only the guard, next to him, wouldn’t notice. If he noticed, then bad
luck – he would shoot us. When
we successfully passed through the barbed wire, we ran through the dark streets
of the town-in-war with the sirens of air-raid and potentially dangerous
encounters. Eventually we came to the warmth and light of Baksha’s house. Then
Maria and Kazimeras Baksha assumed responsibility for maintaining my life, and
fulfilled this mission with all their heart and power. That
night I could barely see or understand anything. After all the fears and
excitement of the day, I fell asleep and didn’t see how my mother left the
Baksha’s house for the ghetto. Next morning, when I woke up, I found myself in
an unfamiliar place, which had to become my home, and with people I didn’t
know, but who had to become my family. I didn’t understand their language
either, and I had no choice but to learn. From then it began - this habit of learning
new languages and, together with the languages, of realizing and accepting different
human ways of living, thinking and understanding. Possibly,
I was not always obedient and behaved not as an angel. As my Mum told me later,
once Kazimeras Baksha came to the factory, where she used to work, and
confessed that he hurt me. He was repentant: how could he punish a child who had
been already so punished by the circumstances of life? Possibly, he understood
that the child needed not only food, but anything interesting and developing. Somewhere
he found a school book and began teaching me literacy. This was my learning and
entertainment simultaneously. In such circumstances I learned to enjoy the
process of reading and learning through a book. I
missed my mother and kept asking, when she would come to me. A couple of times
she visited me, of course, under a supervision of a guard from her workplace.
She told the guard that she was going to the Lithuanians to exchange things for
food. Kazimeras would give the guard alcohol and entertain him, whilst my Mum
visited me. I
wanted a doll, and my mum brought me a doll from the ghetto. Parents of a girl who
had been killed by the Germans gave her this doll without any questions. They had
guessed who needed their daughter’s doll. I did not see my Mum from then on, as
she was too afraid of giving my hideout away. Baksha promised her to keep their
cellar open in the case she would need to hide. But my Mum never used this
opportunity, even when she already knew that the ghetto would be liquidated,
and she would be either killed or forced to move to the West, to a
concentration camp in I remember my second mother, “mamite”, as I
used to call her (“mommy” in Lithuanian), a little woman with a button nose.
She cared about every living being: people, cats and birds – everyone could
receive food and help from her hands. “Mamite” lost her parents at a very young
age and grew up as an orphan. She had a sister and they were very close to each
other. “Mamite” worked hard her whole life. She
completed perhaps no more than a couple of years of primary school in her
village, but her wisdom always fascinated me. “Bus gerai”, which means in
Lithuanian: “everything will be all right” – was her usual saying. And you
trusted her words because you felt that there was a real understanding of life
behind them. I
remember her coming home after a twenty kilometre journey to a remote village.
She had to go there to exchange things for food, otherwise we would starve. Every
time she went, she would bring me (only for the child!) some honey, butter and
eggs, and some flour and cereals for all of us. After each long journey on foot
(and there was no other transport at her disposal), bent beneath the weight of
her sack, she couldn’t straighten her back for a long time; and I used to ask
her: “Why are you walking so ugly, mommy?” I
remember also how my foster father, “tevelis”, or “daddy” in Lithuanian, warned
me not to move or cry, when they used to hide me in the hole under the stove in
case the German soldiers or Lithuanian police came in to check the house. They
dug this hole at the first night after my arrival, and it became my permanent asylum
in case of danger. I have to confess that I was more afraid of mice and
spiders, while sitting in the dark narrow place and not knowing when I would be
released, than of the soldiers. When
the front came close to It
was a risky journey; we had to talk with people how ever we tried to avoid any
communications. Now I understand – there obviously were some of them who
guessed who I was – but they kept silent. Eventually,
we returned to our house, and after a night of fear (What would the Germans do
before they leaved the town? Would we be bombed?) the Soviet Army entered Next
morning, I was still sleeping, when he came in and woke me up: “Go outside, you
are free!” I sprung from my bed and run through the yard to the street. An
unending column of soldiers marched along the street. These were the Soviets,
grey from fatigue and in grey faded uniforms. Such was the image of my freedom!
Such was the victorious link of the “chain of help”. This
link consisted of people whom we called together: “the Soviet Army”. But every
one of them was a person with his or her destiny. Some of them, or their
relatives, suffered from the Stalin dictatorship, and before the war they
disliked Stalin. However, more of them had families destroyed by the war and
relatives killed by the fascists. These
soldiers were united in their hatred of the occupants, in their desperation
towards overcoming of a ruthless enemy. And Stalin’s name became their banner,
the symbol of their battle. In such a way one tyrant, Hitler, helped another
tyrant, Stalin, to win the hearts of his compatriots and to prolong his
dictatorship to the time of his natural death. For
the whole time we were under the German occupation, “mamite” feared we would all
perish, and she wanted to give me, her child, a closer connection with God,
maybe, she thought it would be a better protection. She decided to baptize me,
but how to do this when nobody could know she was hiding a Jewish child? She
confessed to a priest she knew to be a good man. The priest didn’t deceive her.
He taught her how to baptize me, and “mamite” fulfilled the ritual as she
understood it. She
never forced me to pray or to go to church, and once told me that she wasn’t completely
sure that God existed anyhow! But she would feel softness within and relief
when she would go to church to pray. She told me that she had baptized me when
I was 20 years old. She didn’t want to force me into the Christian faith; she had
only searched for divine protection. Many years later, it was at the anniversary of
the end of war, a correspondent of a local newspaper wanted to write an article
about my “mamite” and her husband, about their heroic deeds at the time of war
(besides me, they also hid for some time a Russian captive soldier who fled
from a concentration camp). When the correspondent asked “mamite” who or what
encouraged and helped her to survive and act in such difficult and dangerous
circumstances, she sincerely answered that only God could help her. The
correspondent disappeared, and no article was ever published. In the former But
let us return to the mid-war events, where the priest also became a small link
in the “chain of help”. The “chain” wouldn’t work if a link, a section, were
not reliable. But it did work, being supported by the common effort of people
of different nations, religions and social backgrounds, who were united by their
conscience for the fulfilment of one purpose: to save a child from death. To
give a child, simply a child, a possibility to grow up and to realize the
potential, with which this child came into this life. Every
one of the few Jewish children who were saved from the In my
case, the potential of a life, preserved with all its insights, is being
realized not only by me, but also by my daughter Margarita, my four
grandchildren: Maria, Igor Paul, Richard and Elizabeth, and I believe that it will
continue with their descendants. All of us have our purposes to fulfil and our
“chains” to participate. All of us are living on the Earth thanks to the “chain
of help”, and all of us continue to receive uneasy experiences that enable us
to understand and assist other people, when they are in need of assistance. The
“chain of help” versus the “chain of cruelty” - this is the only way of love
that maintains life on our long-suffering planet, where one action of cruelty
causes another in response, and the situation seems to have no end in sight. But
look! The whole powerful extermination machine of Hitlerism, with its “order”,
supported by soldiers and weapons, couldn’t prevent the salvation of a child,
when just several ordinary people joined their efforts in the “chain of help”, led
by their conscience, and with the maximal love, care and courage they were able
of expressing. These
people weren’t obedient to the laws and rules of the “order” of the fascist
state. Quite the reverse, they rejected these rules, when the rules came into
disagreement with their conscience. Their conscience appeared to be superior,
and, thanks to this, they were able to accomplish what other people, who were
simply obedient, could not. Often,
when expressing love, compassion and generosity in our daily life, we don’t
know that we actually start the “chain of help”, which will continue to act in
the world and bring us and other people unexpected assistance at the very
moment when this assistance is most necessary and helpful. This chain will work
through generations, attracting with its magnet more and more links, involving
more and more people into the actions of Love. When
the Soviet Army liberated When
my father came, he found me, 6 years old, talking in Lithuanian language and
already attending a Lithuanian school. I had completely forgotten him and
didn’t want to leave the house of my foster parents. But they persuaded me to
go with my father. I can understand how difficult it was for them, but they
really loved me and wanted to do their best for me. We moved to the capital of Instead
of buildings, there were ruins everywhere, and a lot of unexploded mines in the
ruins. We children used to play in the ruins (where else could we play?), and
many were injured or killed by mines. Our parents had to be at their workplaces
for 12-14 hours a day and we were left to our own devices. I remember the first
winter in My
school was situated in the yard of our hotel, and I used to invite my friends to
play. Once, I remember, we played with my friend and got a silly idea. Nearing
the end and after the war, you could buy bread or other food in a shop only if
you possessed special coupons. There were also coupons which could be exchanged
for alcohol. A person could buy a limited amount of each product for each
unique card. My father didn’t drink, but he exchanged the bottles of alcohol
for food and other things. My
friend and I were wondering what was so special about alcohol, and decided to
try it. At that time, my father had saved up several bottles of vodka. So,
being the two smart young ladies that we were, both six years of age, we drank
some. After drinking we went to play on the hotel’s staircases pretending to be
drunk and tottering from side to side. After a while we went to play on the
third floor cornice of the hotel’s building. This little alcove had no guard
rails. Of course,
this was very dangerous; we could have easily fallen off the cornice, but
dangers surrounded us from everywhere in this life changed forever by the war. Only
after several hours of our drunken “enjoyment”, my father came home and took us
off the cornice. I
often cried about my dear Mum, who vanished, and I missed her so much,
especially when I got punished. And it happened one happy day that someone told
me – she was alive and would be returning from the concentration camp this
evening. As we found out later, she was taken from the She managed to escape from the column of prisoners
that was led by the fascists to I
remember running to my father’s place of work. We had to be at the railway
station on time! We were on time – when the train with my Mum, who didn’t know
if any of her family had survived, arrived to the station, we both met her at
the gates. We brought her to our hotel room, and began our family life in the
post-war From
his job in the building industry my father received a flat on the third floor
of an old building. We occupied three rooms of five in the flat, and our
neighbours lived in the remaining two. This was a good situation for the
post-war To
make our flat liveable, my father received workers – German prisoners of war
who worked at that time over the rebuilding of the Lithuanian capital. I
couldn’t stand them. I spat at them. I couldn’t forgive them my fear and my
long term trauma as a helpless child, who was for no reason threatened and
punished by the German occupiers. I
just wondered why my mother, who suffered from the Germans even more than me,
nevertheless treated them as equals and cared about them. She fed them with
what we had for dinner, and this was a real hospitality having in mind the
difficulties with getting anything of food stuff. Later on, I became aware that
she understood about life much more than me. She saw a human being in everyone.
She understood that anyone might appear in difficult conditions and anyone
deserved compassion. In
1946, my sister was born – in these difficult circumstances. For my mother, exhausted
after her ordeals of the concentration camp, my sister’s birth was an act of
heroism and simultaneously a symbol of life’s victory over death. My sister was
named Rachel – this was the name of both mother’s older sister, who perished in
the town of After the war, we constantly communicated with
Maria and Kazimeras Baksha. I remained their only child, and my parents also became
their close relatives. We were in especially intimate relationship with
“mamite” who became for me my first teacher of love and spirituality. She
passed away at the age of 90, already knowing that she had her first great
granddaughter named Maria in her honour. She spent the last years of her life
in the family of her relatives, where she helped with raising their children.
The most important thing, children could receive from her, was the influence of
her aura of love, wisdom and tolerance. This
is possibly an ordinary history of a child in war, because from the child’s
viewpoint any war means the same: cruelty, dangers, fear and loss of family.
But even in these dire circumstances, and possibly especially in them, children
are searching for anything bright and joyful. For me, this was music. When I
was 8, in the ruins of the post-war |